I love church weddings, and despite religion not being “popular” many people still choose to get married in a church. About 20% of weddings in England and Wales in 2019 were church weddings, so it’s not as unusual as people think.
Hopefully, this blog will walk you through what happens from when you arrive at the church until you leave.
What Happens at A Church Wedding?
Church weddings are a little bit easier on time frames. However, that doesn’t mean you can be late late. Just the traditional 5 minutes – especially if I’m the wedding photographer! It’s not fair to leave your groom hanging at the altar, not knowing what is going on and panicking – especially as many churches have a really poor signal for mobile phones inside them!
A Side Note for Photographers / Videographers Reading This.
One thing to note about photography in churches is that the vicars (and I’m talking about the Christian denominations when I talk about churches) are in charge. Not me. Not you. Them. It’s a mutual respect thing. However, they will have the final say, just like in a registrar-led wedding. We wouldn’t argue with a registrar, so we shouldn’t argue with vicars. Just because it’s a church and it’s a large, unique, open building with fantastic architecture and incredible potential for stunning award-winning photographs…keep it respectful.
The vast majority of weddings I’ve photographed in churches, and pre-COVID, about 30%-40% of my weddings were in some form of church, have been amazing. I can count on one hand the issues I’ve had with vicars over the nearly 20 years I’ve been photographing weddings full time; and that’s not bad when I reckon I’ve photographed around 1000 in all the time I’ve been a photographer.
This means that occasionally, I’m asked to photograph from the back from the back of the aisle or in unusual places where the view may be tight. It could be just because the church is really, really small, or it could be because the vicar would prefer you not to wander around the altar area, or it could have a “rood screen” that prevents good angles. All wedding photographers, videographers and other suppliers need to be aware that, first and foremost, a church wedding is about God and the sacrament of marriage. It’s not about the photography/videography/content. Whilst I wouldn’t call myself a religious zealot (!!) I am a semi-regular church-goer (Roman Catholic), have acted as a Church Warden for my local village church and I respect the church’s beliefs regarding weddings and the sacrament of marriage.
Church weddings also have to follow the Marriage Act 1949 and must adhere to the”Solemnity and Dignity” aspect of the wedding being conducted, as well as the Canon Law regarding Churches’ wishes for weddings. And on top of all of that, we also have to abide by any Health & Safety legislation, legislation surrounding churches that are Listed Buildings (and a lot of them are!).
Churches are also private buildings, not public buildings. So if you are asked to leave because you are being a nuisance and interfering with the “Solemnity and Dignity” of the wedding, they have a legal right to do so – just like registrars. Extreme case mind!
Let’s also not forget that vicars are human, with human emotions and feelings, and if they have a bad interaction with a photographer/videographer, then ‘us good ones’ are lumped into the bad apple pot. Just as many photographers/videographers always suggest that vicars are always the bad ones… ;-) As I mentioned above, respect works both ways.
What Happens at A Church Wedding? Nothing has to be fussy!
These few images are from a wedding I did in 2023. A local couple to me, the church was about 10 min in a very slow drive on the back of a 4×4 pickup! As you see them, the couple got married in shorts, sandals and T-shirts with their two children and about 8 of their best mates at 9 am in the morning! It all depends on the vicar (who was in a red jumpsuit). All legal, all normal, full of love and laughter. Kids played in the church, and Mam and Dad made their vows.
These guys then had a garden celebration (same vicar) with white dress and suit!
Arriving at the Church
So most vicars will appreciate you arriving a little early so they can get things sorted with the bridal party at the entrance to the church, let the organists know, the bell ringers and perhaps a choir. If I’m doing the wedding photography, I liaise closely with the vicar and give them a thumbs up so they can sort out the other stuff.
I’ll take a few photos of your party outside the front of the church and the leave it all to the vicar to sort out and make my way to the front of the altar and let the groom know he can relax a little! I’m not going to be doing loads of poses etc, loads of little bridesmaid groups – remember that time frame.
A quick tip is don’t bother trying to sort out the train of your dress too much before you walk down the aisle – as soon as you start walking, it will collapse on itself. Better to ask a bridesmaid to sort it out when you get to your groom!
The Entrance Processional
A good tip here is to ask your vicar to leave enough space behind them for your bridesmaids to go next and leave space between them, and you walk down last. Failing that ask your bridesmaids to count to 20 once the vicar sets off before they start walking. That space gives the wedding photographer plenty of time to get some really great wedding shots.
Even better is if your vicar is at the top of ailse with your groom, however each vicar is different.
What Happens at A Church Wedding? – The Vicar Welcomes Everyone
You get to the top of the aisle and hand over your bouquet to a bridesmaid, if you are wearing a veil over your face, your escort down the aisle (usually your dad, but I’ve had mothers, brothers and even a sister due to family circumstances and occasionally the bride will walk down herself) will generally move the veil over your head. You can ask your groom to do this, and it’s a great photo opportunity!
The veil, by the way, is optional. It was initially part of covering women’s heads during a church service, something I can still remember as an altar boy in the 1980’s. All the women in the church had covered heads back then! The veil also symbolises purity. From a photography point of view, a long cathedral veil is amazing, and it’s pretty easy to take off as it can become a faff during the rest of the day – just come and see, and I can sort that out for you.
Don’t be afraid to hold hands with your groom when you are at the top of the aisle; reassuring squeezes are a great photo and give you both a little boost of confidence.
The Vicar will then welcome everyone to the church, read out a few things: “no photos” if you have asked this, join in the singing with gusto, etc.
The vicar will then ask who gives this woman away, and your escort hands “you over” to your groom. This is a very, very old traditional way to ensure that the women from one family were handed into the care of another family and not as some object!
What Happens at A Church Wedding?
A hymn is usually sung at this point. A note on hymns – you can have whatever you want; the civar can oprovide a hymn book for you to choose. My advice is to select hymns that your guests will know! Nothing is worse than a few lonely voices banging out a hymn (including myself in that!), and the rest of the church is quiet. I don’t have a tune in my head, but loads of volume :-) Even better is to have a look on YouTube and send out a link to the hymns you are having so your guests are prepared. This tip is a MUST-HAVE if you are also paying for a videographer! The website Hitched has a good selection for you to have a think through. People usually stand for hymns if they can.
(One of my favourite parts of a traditional wedding, especially a Roman Catholic one, is watching people who are not regular churchgoers figure out whether to stand, sit or kneel – some great reactions going on there! Just tell your guests beforehand to do what they feel comfortable doing :-) )
The vicar will usually give an introduction to the purposes of the wedding and God’s will for it. The exact wording will vary, but it will include things like love, caring for each other, and usually something around being in the eyes of God under God’s House.
What Happens at A Church Wedding? The Declaration and the Vows
This is where the vicar will ask the whole church if there is any reason why the two of you should not marry. Depending on the vicar a friendly warning may be given NOT to joke about this! This is a legal part of the wedding and must be done to comply with the Mariage Act 1948, just as if you were getting married by registrars. The vicar may crack a joke about the silence and that you are both good to go etc. It eases the tensions :-)
You will usually be facing each and holding hands now. Don’t worry if you laugh – it’s normal and just nerves kicking in.
The vicar will then ask each of you, in turn, the same question about your commitment to each other; you will answer “I Will”.
What Happens at A Church Wedding?
As part of the Christian belief of coming together under God’s roof to be married, you are also entering into the Christian community and the support that it brings you. The vicar requests support from the guests, and the expected answer is a booking of “We Will”. If the guests are not vocal (loud) enough, the vicar may sometimes joke about it and ask the guests again to support you both.
A Bible reading will usually follow this, given by one of your guests, and the vicar may indulge themselves in a talk about love, happiness, joy, the sacrament of marriage, how many weddings have taken place in the church over the ages, etc. Each vicar is totally different – and I’ve worked so closely with some vicars that I know their speeches so well I could give them word for word myself. Many vicars will use this as a way to ease your guests – church weddings can be seen as stuffy and overbearing, whereas the majority I have been to is always fun and full of laughter.
Alternatively, if you want a shorter wedding service, we move straight onto the vows.
The Vows
Wedding vows have been used for hundreds of years, and although they have changed slightly over time, their meaning is still the same. The modern church vows still have to be confirmed with the Marriage Act of 1948 in order for the wedding to be legal, though they are different to those views used in registrar-led weddings.
(As a side note, this will apply to any religious wedding, Christian or not.)
‘I, (name), take you, (name)
to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward;
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.
In the presence of God I make this vow.’
Don’t worry about getting these wrong or fluffing your lines; vicars are very experienced at this and will guide you through them, The laughter, though, makes for great wedding photographs :-) In addition, you will have rehearsed a few days beforehand, and many churches run little workshops/courses/sessions to help you both prepare for the marriage bit. I always try and get to the rehearsals if I can, no extra costs to you, but it really helps me connect with the vicar if I’ve not been to the church previously and if I know the vicar, it puts them at ease a little.
You Can Write Your Vows
However, you can write your vows; this will be in addition to those above. I can help you do this, or the vicar can help.
The Exchange of Rings
The best person will be asked to step forward and give the viar both the rings, either directly in their hand or onto a bible they are holding open. The vicar will bless the rings before going ahead with the ring exchange.
Each of you will be asked to take the opposite ring and place it on the ring finger, and the vicar may say a blessing as you do this and may ask you just to hold the ring over the finger instead of pushing it all the way whilst they do this.
Again, depending on the vicar, you may be asked to say another short vow to each other in turn:
‘I give this ring as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.’
After the rings are placed on each finger the vicar will say:
“[name ] and [name] have declared their marriage by the joining of hands and by the giving away and receiving of rings. I, therefore, proclaim that they are husband and wife.”
Note – some vicars don’t do the first kiss thing; some do. It’s a great photo opportunity, so check in with your vicar if you really want to do that.
Your guests applaud and cheer loudly at this point!!
What Happens at A Church Wedding? Signing the Legal Paperwork
The vicar will explain to your guests that you must sign the paperwork. This can be done either given the guests, in a smaller room, at the side altar or at the main altar. I like to get some candid shots here, as a few vicars don’t want to pose the couple for formal photos with witnesses, etc. You will need two witnesses for this, and they can be anyone you choose who is old enough, usually 16, and must understand and be able to speak English.
During this time, there will usually be some music playing on the ground, or maybe you will have a strong quartet, etc., to play.
The signing doesn’t take long, usually about ten minutes.
This is the same legal paperwork that couples having a registrar-led wedding must sign, by the way. As the large “Registry Books” with the marriage certificates have now gone, many churches now also have a local book they use as a signing book to commemorate your wedding in that church.
The Final Blessing
Once all the paperwork is signed and legal, the witness has sat down, and the vicar will lead the guests in formal prayers. The duration and type can be discussed with your vicar.
It is usual for the vicar to ask you both to kneel and give your left hand to them. The vicar will wrap you hands in the Stole. (The stole is the long scarf-type piece of clothing that a vicar has around their neck; it is given when they are ordained.) By wrapping it around your hands (almost like tying a knot!), it symbolises the two of you being joined together in the sacrament of marriage. The vicar will do this and say a prayer over you both.
A final prayer is said by all the guests, The Lord’s Prayer and possibly a final hymn.
Leaving the Church
Once all this is over the two of you will walk down the aisle as husband and wife, followed by the wedding party and guests. You can play traditional wedding music here or something a bit more upbeat – depending on the vicar!
What Happens at A Church Wedding? A Word On Confetti
Many, many vicars will request that any confetti you use be bio-degradable and be used outside the church grounds in order to keep the churchyard clean and to prevent confetti from blowing back inside the church; that then needs to be cleaned up. Some are not bothered, so always check in with your vicar. I will always err on the side of caution in this and make sure the confetti is outside the church grounds.
If this is where you are doing confetti, then I’ll move you to one side after some photos at the exit of the church so your guests can come out and arrange the confetti shot for you.
If you are looking for confetti, check out Etsy.
Family Photographs inside The Church
I’ve never met a vicar who didn’t mind you going back inside the church and taking some family photographs against the backdrop of the altar area. This is something I love to do, it takes about 15-20 minutes and gives the rest of your guests time to get to the venue to welcome you!
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