What are bridesmaids supposed to do?

Why, you may be asking, is a wedding photographer writing a blog on "What bridesmaids are supposed to do?". The easy answer is of all the hundreds of weddings (around 750 or so I reckon) I've seen some totally amazing bridesmaids but I've seen more useless ones in that time. Sound harsh? read on!

What Bridesmaids are NOT supposed to do...

1. Make the day all about them - simply put it's not thier day and it's just plain selfish.
2. Cause extra stress to the bride at any time. Like brides need extra stress on the day by a bridesmaid shouting "Oh no I've split prosecco down my dress"
3. Try and get the bride drunk before the wedding, especially if it's a civil service.
4. Not be late getting to Bridal Prep
5. Not be late getting ready in time
6. Ignore then bride once the wedding service is over

So what are bridesmaids supposed to do?

1. Help plan the wedding with the bride. Or at the least listen to everything the bride wants to talk about and show interst (even if you are not interested...)
2. Potentially go dress shopping...and be honest about the choice of dress. Think about the brides body shape, height, chest, bum, waist etc. Be honest and nice in your negative feedback, she will appreciate that much more.
3. Potentially help arrange the hen night (honestly invite me for a few photos - it's great to meet the bridal party as I'll be with you all for around 16 hours on the day!)
4. Wear the dress the bride picks for you!
5. Wear your hair the way the bride likes!
6. Be attentive to the bride. Listen to what is said as much as what is not said. Look and observe the bride, how does she feel, how does she act. Then react appropriatley and quietly to resolve the issues.
7. Reduce the stress. Don't talk about anything that goes wrong - deal with the situation first and then tell the bride. Remain calm if things do go wrong, don't raise your voice, don't get angry yourself and don't panic.
8. Keep the bride chilled and relaxed without the use of excessive alcohol (or drugs...) If the wedding is a civil service, and in some church weddings, neither the bride nor groom is allowed to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs. It's not funny to get the bride tipsy and even less funny if the wedding is cancelled by the registrars becuse she is drunk.
9. You get to the Bridal Prep on time and when the schedule / timeline says you should. If not that can put everything else out and, again, cause more undue stress.
10. You get ready quickly, efficiently and ON TIME. Being late will cause undue stress. It's better to be early than running around like a headless chicken.
11. You are supposed to help the bride getting dressed. Help her into the dress, help her with any hoops or underskirts. Those ribbons won't loop themselves, those hook and eyes won't do up magically and those buttons need that little elastic loop over them - make sure you have a crochet hook (or ask me...). It's generally not my job to do this, though I've dressed my fair share of brides in the past!
12. Once the bride is dressed you put the shoes on - it's damned hard to bend over and put shoes on when you're in a wedding dress
13. Fluffing the brides dress as and when appropriate. I'm an expert fluffer so there are pioints available for this - see below!! Fluffing lessons are available on the day.
14. You are on toilet duty with the bride all day...speak to me if you are not sure how that is supposed to work with a bride in a big dress ;-)
15. You are on "picking the train" up duty all day. You make sure that it's not trailing in mud (unless I ask you to!), not being stood on and generally allow the bride to wander around and walk easily.
16. Keep the bride calm, regardless of what is going on. She picked you because you're her best mates, you know her. So you should know how to keep her calm when the world is falling apart!
17. Liase with me, the worlds most handsome Jaffa Cake eating wedding photographer, in sorting out wedding groups for the photos. I'll usually have a list anyway.
18. Help carry either some of my kit or the brides kit when we are doing the couples photos. I'll pay you in alcohol for helping me, the bride will pay you in a free meal !!
19. Stay sober so you can help the bride when she is drunk. yes, I know it's a prty and you want to get sh!t faced...but you are there as a bridesmaid / maid of the bride. And maids don't get drunk.
20. Keep an eye on the bride - is she eating enough / drinking enough water etc. Especially important at bridal prep. Notice I said water - not prosecco ;-)
21. Lastly make sure I get enough Jaffa Cakes during the day so I don't turn into a grumpy bugger. Your photoshop retouching depends on this one.

The One and Only Points System for Bridemaids

I run a fun based points system for bridesmaids/bridesmen at the weddings I photograph.

You get plus points for being helpful. You get minus points for not being helpful

As the saying goes...points make prizes. And in this case, the prize is a decent bottle of white wine at the end of the night.

How do you get points / lose points?

Plus points for making me a perfect cup of decaf tea. Minus points if it's crap tea. And if it's normal caffeine tea you have lost millions of points.

Plus points for the above list. Minus points if I have to do stuff instead of you.

Plus points if you like Bon Jovi and play at least 4 tunes during the preparations. You win outright if you play at least 4 hours of Bon Jovi back to back during bridal prep. Minus points if there is no Bon Jovi played. And you lose the wine totally if you don't like Bon Jovi. In fact, I'm making this a rider in my contract to have Bon Jovi played during Bridal Prep.

Minus points for not understanding the wedding is all about me. And the bride. Generally in that order. Sometimes the bride goes first. The groom is usually in the top 10, occasionally in the top 5. But I'm always in the top 2. Not bridesmaids.

Plus points - using slices of real butter on toast. Minus points - scraping some vegetable spread thinly.

Minus points - offering me anything that is vegan/vegetarian unless it's for religious purposes.

Plus points - tell me how good my hair looks ;-)

Minus points - dropping my cameras. They may be insured, but they come with straps for the shoulders.

Plus points - not dropping my cameras!

And I'm sure you get the idea! :-)

Editors Note

If you laughed at this, you're my kind of couple. Have a go at this Quiz!!

If you found this annoying thanks for reading but please don't get in touch.